kellyc319's Xanga

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 19:36:36 GMT

Wow, 25% raise effective in march!! Then a promotion in title and another raise in 6 months...crazy. You gotta love the investment industry!! I was almost about to lose my drive but I think my manager just increased my motivation to pass the cfa level 2 now, hahaha.

Another good news...i have pretty much decided i am going to be moving out after my exam in june. There is just no reason to stay at home anymore. I am pretty excited since i LOVE decorating, so can't wait to decorate my new room hahaha.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 04:49:05 GMT

CFA level 2...here I come...I willingly give up my life to you. I think.

Promotion + phat bonus = a very happy kelly at work.

Once again, timing is everything. Maybe I just don't pay enough attention...

I think that about sums it up.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 05:52:33 GMT

Here is your single's love horoscope
for Thursday, October 18:

A past romantic resentment is keeping your from moving onto something great. Don't let toxic emotional garbage hinder your love-seeking efforts. Move on already and throw this stuff in the trash. You're no good to anyone until you do.

Wow. Well, I don't think I resent anymore. I just haven't forgiven yet. Haha, is that the same thing? Nah, I don't think so ...=P

On a happier note:

"Rolling around on the edge of a cliff under the moon, who knows where we'll fall..." Nice.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 05:21:31 GMT

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 23:51:39 GMT

This past week I bumped into someone that I've dreaded bumping into for the past year. I've been VERYcareful to not let our paths cross. From past experience our paths seem to cross pretty frequently and at the most unexpected places (ie: the dumbarton bridge?? i mean seriously). So you can see why I've been extra alert to try not to run into him. EVERY place is fair game with this guy. Anyhow, I've been pretty successful for the past half year...until now.

I guess he's right, alot of things have changed but somethings just never change. Things were exactly the way they were before. Our friendship didn't seem to be fazed by our troubled past. And that is what kills me inside. I was so sure that I would feel differently about him. Or that he would act differently towards me. Or that we would be on different wavelengths now. Just something to change...so I can let him go. But now I remember exactly what I've lost. A friend who I loved.

Anyways, I'm done trying to control my own fate. No matter how hard I try I simply cannot control this particularly person/situation in my life. Everything is the opposite of what I want anyways. Apparently, someone else has bigger plans for me. I guess if it was meant to be, God will just have to throw him in my path more often...or not....either way just let me rest in peace already.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 06:49:17 GMT

"Walk Away (Remember Me)"

I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me

[Male] You gonna remember me boo
I'm gonna remember you too
I can't forget all the crazy sh*t.. we used to do
You was doing to much
I wasn't doing enough
That's what your friends are saying
You got a man anyway
I can't explain it neither
I ain't never wanna leave ya
Hell ya its hard to walk away when I see ya
When I see ya I remember the day
You put your shoes on and moved on
Before I could say

[Female] I saw you with your new girl just yesterday
And I feel that I must confess
Even though it kills me to have to say
I'll admit that I was impressed
Physically just short of perfection
Gotta commend you on your selection
Though I know I shouldn't be concerned
In the back of my mind
I can't help but question
Does she rub your feet
When you've had a long day
Scratch your scalp
When you take out your braids
Does she know that you like too
Play PS2 till 6 in the morning
Like I do

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)
Walk Away, Walk Away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)

I can't forget how we used to be
Our life from day to day
Hoping maybe you'll come back
And though I tell myself not to be afraid
To move on but it seems I can't
Though a new man has given me attention
It ain't the same as your affection
Though I know I should be content
In the back of my mind
I can't help but question
Does he kiss me on the forehead
Before we play
Show up on my doorstep
(with a bouquet)
Does he call me in the middle of the day
Just to say hey baby I love you
Like you used to

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)
Walk Away, Walk Away
(I'm gonna remember you
You're gonna remember me)

I'm Gonna Remember You
Your Gonna Remember Me
The things we did
The way we shared our fantasies
Just you and me
My friend, my love, my family
How did we loose a love that seemed meant to be
Sometimes I kiss her and wish that it was you I'm kissing
Sometimes I miss him and wish that it was you I'm missing
Sometimes I hug her and wish that it was you I was hugging
And I realize how much I'm bugging
I miss you

So hard to express this feeling
Cause nobody compares to you
And you know she'll never love you like I do

I can't explain this feeling
I think about it everyday
And even though we've moved on
It gets so hard to walk away...

Monday, January 29, 2007

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 07:47:13 GMT

So I was talking to my friend earlier tonight and she told me that I've changed 180 degrees on my views on relationships and love. I can't say that I disagree with her. I can see that I am a very different person than I was before. Heck, I can feel that I am a completely different person now. I'm not exactly sure if this is just a temporary change or if I've permanently become this person that no longer believes in what I use to preach. Can an experience ultimately change a person's core? Or maybe the true Kelly is just laying low for awhile and she'll only come out to play when it's safe again. Some days I am happy with the person I've become. I am glad to see the flaws in my own beliefs and am more than willing to abandon those beliefs for something less risky. On other days I wonder if I'm just robbing myself of ever having the possibility of falling in love again. Which brings me to my next question...do you really need to be in love to have a happy marriage? I guess the old kelly would say absolutely yes! Now...I'm starting to see the reasoning for arranged marriages. HAHA.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 07:04:58 GMT

DO NOT DISTURB THE PEACE

It's been a long while since I've updated. I guess I haven't updated because I felt that I had nothing really happy to write about. My life for the past 2-3 years has always had some negative energy to it. If it wasn't my job that brought me worries and pain, it was my relationships. And if it wasn't my relationships, it was my job. And particularly as of late, I went through a really confusing and painful time. A time that taught me alot about myself but at the same time left me with a bunch of regrets. I lost someone very close and dear to me... but at the same time given the chance... I would never travel down that path anymore to resuscitate whatever I had lost either. I don't even want to be anywhere near it anymore. I know it seems contradictory, but I simply do not wish to have a constant reminder of my own failure. For awhile, I really couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. But thankfully, through all this I've come out alive and stronger than before. I'm also trying to be a better person, so I do not make the same mistake twice. Right now, I have surprisingly reached a peaceful equilibrium in my life. There is no more negativity. None for once. I am no longer fighting...either fighting to find the perfect job or fighting for a relationship to work. I am seeing things with a happier and more peaceful attitude. I really do have alot of things to be thankful for. I have 2 parents who I enjoy spending time with, great friends who are there for me during my trouble times, and a job that I actually love doing (which honestly, i think it was my job that prevented me from falling deeper into the black hole). I can't say I'm the happiest person right now, but at least the planets have lined up and there are no more cosmic disruptions. I'm peacefully happy, if that makes any sense. The good thing about where I am right now, is I finally have no more distractions from doing what is really important to me. I am more concentrated and focused than I've ever been in a long time. It's a fresh start.

My last thought -- You know how they say it is better to have loved than never at all? I don't think that saying applies at all if the person you have loved and then lost was a dear friend. To me, it just wasn't worth it. In time, you will get over the love that you lost, but you will forever miss that special friend who always stood by me. I'll tell you what other saying holds more truth...once you cross over the friendship line, you can never go back. I find it ironic how I am friends with all my exes, but I can't bear the thought of being friends with the one guy that actually was my real friend!

Monday, August 21, 2006

Mon, 21 Aug 2006 00:33:28 GMT

What a first 2 weeks at my new job. Got to experience so many new things already. One of them being having to work until almost 2am. I was at work for 17 hours. Never thought I can do that, but it was actually ok. Of course if I had to do that almost every day like i-bankers do I probably quit and die on the way out. Also, got to attend JP Morgan's due diligence meeting where I got to listen to alot of our Franklin portfolio managers speak. Very exciting stuff since it was rare to hear fund managers discuss economic issues and how it'll impact their funds. Love my new co-workers, great people, smart and friendly. Yay! I actually like going into work now!

This week...I am going to attempt to bake a birthday cake. I hope it all goes smoothly!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 20:33:48 GMT

Argh...why am i such an idiot.